There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
