Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
