i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
