i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
