Midget sex pt 2 tonight
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
