I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just had sex on a roof
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
