he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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