I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
