On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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