I just threw up on my dentist
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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