Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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