If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
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She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?