Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
