Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
