Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
