He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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