we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
