The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I can tuck mytits in my pants
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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