I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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