as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
can u get pink eye on your cock?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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