i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
