you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
