Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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