i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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