Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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