if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
