my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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