HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
