I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
