Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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