Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
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You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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