Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
