i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
