I hope mine doesn't look like that
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
