Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
