his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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