I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize