When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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