I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
