He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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