when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
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I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
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She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
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