I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
where are you?
Hypothermia
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
