Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
