Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
