Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
