12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
