My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
