I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
