he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
