I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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