Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
