Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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