you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The adults are the big ones right?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
