You work out of a Hotel?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
