People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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