why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Four minutes until I can fart!
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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