He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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