If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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