My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
