Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
