My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
