Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
